3rd September
2009
fraud democratic bolster photomontage yearning strawberry Toronto cullers nebulae mascara submarine foliage icons virus
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ZOOM IN ON USED CAR DEALER DRESSED LIKE SNIDELY WHIPLASH. CONTINUE ZOOM UNTIL HE’S IN EXTREME CLOSE UP. |
( ESTABLISH BANJO MUSIC AND FADE FOR..) From the dirty, jam-packed car lots of the inner city….from the modern masters of sideshow swindle …comes the most despicable, most entrapping, most deceptive practice ever. It’s (UNHARMONIC CHORD) fraud. |
| HE LICKS HIS LIPS WHILE CUSTOMER LAYS $100 BILLS IN HIS OPEN PALM. | You believe in the honest free enterprise system. It serves to bolster your faith in America herself. But roadside swindlers are taking advantage of good, hard-working Americans like you! |
| PHOTOMONTAGE OF DRIVERS BREAKING DOWN ON SIDE OF ROAD HOOD UP, STEAMING ENGINE, SPURTING OIL |
Society is yearning for change, like this strawberry farmer whose truck broke down as he delivered his harvest to a Toronto grocer. These no-goodnicks are simply cullers of the naive among us. They hide behind promises, winks, and nods, while they dazzle you with a nebulae of shiny cars and indecipherable finances. |
| CLOSE UP OF SHIFTY EYED MASCARA-WEARING MECHANIC USING SCOTCH TAPE TO REPAIR A CAR |
Don’t let them submarine YOUR dream of owning a fine automobile! You deserve better. Stand up to them! Let Rocco & Moose take the wheel for you. We’ll wipe that money-grubbing grin off their faces with threats, violence, and bodily injury! |
| COUPLE DRIVING OUT OF FOLIAGE-FILLED SHOWROOM IN EXOTIC AUTOMOBILE | Remember, if you don’t get back at them, you’ll just be another victim! Act now while there’s still time! One visit from us and they’re out of business! Rocco & Moose. We’re not legal icons, we’re like a virus! They can’t wait to get rid of us! |
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KEY OF SMALL, UNREADABLE DISCLAIMER TEXT. COUPLE DRIVES OFF INTO SUNSET. |
(READ VERY RAPIDLY) To retain Rocco & Moose you must be over 18 or have signed parental consent. No car salesmen were injured during the filming of this commercial. Not available where void or prohibited. Cash only. No coupons. |
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I’d forgotten all about Snidely Whiplash – too funny!! I love your ending I can hear it being said at the end of a commercial.