Archive for April, 2009

I don’t know how to change my world, to start each day anew,

to open up my eyes at dawn, without a thought of you.

I don’t know how to let you go, to truly turn away,

I don’t know how to end the thoughts,  that fill my mind each day.

I don’t know how to heal my heart, the pain is never gone,

to finally end the constant hurt, to let myself move on.

 I don’t know how to close my eyes, and not let myself dream,

to recreate my very self, my tears a steady stream.

I don’t know how to change my world, from all I’ve ever known,

I don’t know how to do that now, one day I hope to learn.

I want to wake and just forget, erase you from my mind,

to somehow start all over now, the past left far behind.

I want to put an end to it, and let my heart go free,

I don’t know how to do it yet, to create a brand new me.

Copyright Sharie Peters Parker,  2009 all rights reserved

Everyone has a moment – a moment when they suddenly notice something they never noticed before.  It can be like a bolt of lightening ripping through your consciousness, burning holes and changing things forever.  I had one of those life altering and earth shaking moments several years ago and I haven’t been the same since.  It was the moment I became aware…….

It happened one day while I was  skimming over a woman’s magazine – looking at the articles and glossy advertisements for clothing and products guaranteed to make my life better and prettier with just a simple click of a button.  One particular ad featured an attractive woman who was probably in her late thirties touting beautiful skin and a smile from the heavens – it quickly caught my eye.  I too was  in my late thirties and the words “age defying” jumped off the promise filled page before me.

It came to me with startling clarity that the youth preserving cosmetics featured in the glossy and tempting ads, were being marketed to…….OMG …… ME!!!! I suddenly realized that the faces in the ads were faces of women that were MY AGE – and the advertisement was implying that I WAS OLD!! It was a total freak-out moment.  It was right then  that I decided I would go down fighting – defying the outward progression of aging while kickin’ and screamin’ loudly.  Hey, the products are a few dollars worth of hope – and so began my long and experimental journey to the elusive fountain of youth.  Ever since then I’ve been perusing the anti-aging aisles of the local department stores testing and applying various sparkle spackles and fruit acids in a most humorous attempt at maintaining my somewhat youthful appearance – the goal……..to keep my cheeks where they belong.   My face has been a “test kitchen” for so many products that I can’t even count and they are all more than likely made out of a blend of molten elastic and silly putty. It has been a real journey – I believe it has become a hobby and it has definitely become me.  Do I want to be 20 again?  A resounding NO.  I have earned my age and my experience and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world – not now, not ever – but I don’t mind at all, putting my best face forward.

Copyright Sharie Peters Parker,  2009 all rights reserved