I want elected officials to stop saying what they think people want them to say and tell us what they really think. And if they do something they know they shouldn’t have do they get an instant wedgie from the Incredible Hulk.

I want the news to be news, not someone’s opinion, and not a story about another show that happens to air on the same network. I want real journalism to return to reporting, not the continuance of the “news as entertainment/entertainment as news” ridiculousness that’s currently paraded to the public as the reporting of facts. I want both sides of the story, and I don’t care if I won’t like what you tell me, I still need to know what’s going on.

I want people to use their turn signals.

I want liars, cheaters, and thieves to devote their energy to truth, honesty, and giving.

I want straight-forward, to the point, hard questions asked of politicians, and if they don’t answer the questions, they are called out on it. No dancing.

I want to choose every channel that’s in my satellite package. I can do without “Best Bra Ever!” and “The Knife Shopping Channel”, thank you. And while I’m at it, I want the History Channel to actually show some history. “Ice Road Truckers” and “Pawn Stars” don’t teach me anything.

I want sportscasters to watch the same game I’m watching. It only takes me one replay to see what happened. You guys run it a dozen times and still get it wrong.

I want soccer moms in big, honkin’ SUVs to take a driving test in those vehicles so they will actually have to learn how to drive them. Sounds sexist to you? Drive a mile in my shoes. I can’t change reality.

I want to go to other countries around the world that are at the same latitude as me and see if they have shitty roads, too. I’m betting they don’t.

I want real food with non-genetic modifications, grown in real dirt, by real farmers.  And, yes, I’ll pay a little more for the privilege.

I want the current reality TV show template of too-much-to-do-and not-enough-time-to-do-it-in banned. Along with every show about someone who’s only famous for being famous or for being a famous douche bag. Come to think of it, I want reality TV gone altogether.

I want participation in Talk Like A Pirate Day to be mandatory.

I want my local and national news replaced with the Daily Show.

I want every person in America to Read The Guardian and watch BBC News every day so they can see what we look like to the rest of the world. Then, act accordingly.

I want a Jonny Quest, Herculoids, and Space Ghost channel on TV. (I know, but I like them.)

I want people to stop worrying about who gets the credit for good ideas and start thinking about how to leverage them for everyone’s benefit.

I want people to think of others first instead of themselves.

I want sushi. And French toast. Not together.

I want everyone to tell the people who are important to them that they love them. Every day.

I want the word “dodgy” to find its way into every day speech in America. It’s brilliant word, yes?

I want everyone to listen twice as much as they talk.

I want socks that match themselves.

I want art, music, and literature to be available to every student in every school. And I want them to be mandatory subjects.

I want more “Us” and less “Me”.

I want all the traffic lights to be green.  (Sorry, that was more me, wasn’t it?)

I want to find one thing that Will Farrel won’t do for a laugh.

I want everyone to realize that every religion has the same message when you break it down to its simplest component: Be nice; and that one religion isn’t necessarily better than another as long as everyone is nice.

I want Fridays and Mondays off.

I want every child to be encouraged to do something they don’t think they can do and to experience the satisfaction of committing themselves to a course of action.

I want common sense to make a comeback.

I want the spirit of love and giving found in the Christmas season to be present all year.

I want people to pay attention when they’re driving.

I want a line item veto.

I want our National Anthem to be sung as written. I’m not interested in your “interpretation” of the song.

I want people to learn how to pronounce “nuclear”. And “espresso”. And “supposedly”.

I want people to stop complaining about the weather. You can’t live in the snow belt and be surprised and frustrated every time it snows. That’s like people who live next to the ocean complaining about the surf.

I want field trips for adults.

I want people to learn and understand history so we can all make better decisions for the future.

I want businesses to live and die by their customers, not their shareholders. I want service to be permanently associated with customer. Customers create revenue which creates profits which satisfies shareholders. The equation doesn’t work in the other direction.

I want people to be confident enough to be able to laugh at themselves.

I want pudding. Not as in “dessert”. As in “pudding”.

I want an IQ test for politicians, television commentators, talk show hosts, and reality shows. Those with low IQs should be required to provide a warning stating “This show contains ideas that some viewers may find disturbing, mainly because they are the ideas of a person who isn’t smarter then a fifth grader. We put them on because we make money from doing so. If you stop watching, this insulting load of crap will be off the air faster than ‘Cop Rock’.” Likewise, all user-submitted comments on internet site should be required to answer an intelligence testing question before their comment is approved for posting.  That should weed out the room temperature IQs.

I want the number of cracker varieties to match the number of cheese varieties.

I want The Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame to stop dicking around and put Rush in already.

I want more reading and writing. And arithmetic.

I want people to think for themselves.

I want everyone to memorize at least one Monty Python sketch.

My heart it breaks when I imagine her eyes
As you pulled the rug from beneath her life
How you found a way to justify
Now all I can do is see her cry

When her life didn’t go according to plan
When she couldn’t keep up you didn’t give a damn
With your selfish ways and your shallow mind
You chose to walk and take another’s hand

And mister you don’t need me to see
How you justified it was meant to be
To the rest of the world go tell your lies
But baby those eyes they could’ve been mine

To those you fooled to them you denied
You played any part in making her cry
But you had to get out so selfishly
If only they’d heard her desperate pleas

Now you’ve come up with a brand new plan
In your selfish pride you took another’s hand
Go fool the rest but you can’t fool me
‘Cause they’ve never seen your cruelty

And mister you don’t need me to see
‘Cause you know full well who you’ll always be
To the rest of the world go tell your lies
From yourself my friend you just can’t hide

As you lay your head in search of rest
I hope and pray that you’ll never forget
The look in her eyes on the day you left
I beg my God that you’ll never forget

Is there ever a chance you’ll ever be
Something more than causing casualty
Will you ever learn to live unselfishly
Will it ever be, will it ever be

And mister you don’t need me to see
‘Cause you know full well who you’ll always be
To the rest of the world go tell your lies
And baby those eyes, thank God they weren’t mine.

Lyric Copyright, Sharie Parker, 2011, All Rights Reserved (Musical collaborative with Charley Bowman)